Yeah, I eventually got a chance to make the move. Not exactly the first move, but at least I re-initiated it again.

Hopefully I’ll get some positive results. Even though it looks quite bright now, we all know how quickly light can turn to dark.

Of late, I’ve been noticing something rather interesting. I shall not give out too much details, since I’m not sure if by doing so will it have a positive or negative effect.

Since I’ve noticed it, I’ve been giving it a huge amount of thought too. Almost every day in fact. There are reasons why I would like a positive outcome, and just as many reasons for a negative outcome. Dilemmas havenever been this tough before. Then again, I think they have.

At the end of it, I think the main pull or push factor doesn’t lie with me. Will just have to take it as it come. I say bring it on!

… the more they stay the same.

I’ve heard this phrase from somewhere before. It’s not some obscure phrase too.

Since the last which was probably a handful of years ago, I think I’ve changed quite a bit. Or rather improved upon, since I think I’m very much the same person, but with some minor tweaks here and there.

And then comes the realisation that at the end of it, I haven’t really changed that much at all. It’s a rather humbling experience too, to say the least – to be brought back down to earth. And a reminder that there is a lot more work that needs to be done.

I know what needs to be done, but to go about doing it, that will be the ultimate challenge for me. And it’s not something that can be done alone…

Soon, the numbers will change yet again. It’s left to be seen what’s in store for me. As usual, one can make all sorts of plans, but there’s no telling how the events will unfold.

One can only hope, for if there is hope, there is chance.

It’s not only the switching of the calendar. Even sooner, in fact. The jitters are coming.

A surprising new twist to the grand scheme of thing – MY Grand Scheme of Things! What I had initially thought to be a very simple and straight forward affair is slowly turning out to be anything but simple and straight forward.

A colleague of mine managed to information across that they plan to hire a new guy for their side. Well, basically our small local department has two main groups, the Applications group and the Proposals group. I’m in the Applications group, which is where we churn out the cheese for the customer to munch on, from the milk the Proposal people get from the cows supplied by the customer. A bit crude, I suppose, but that quite describes what I do, in a nutshell cow-farm. So, apparently they intend to hire a freshie for the job of proposals, and someone thought “why not drag someone from our team, rather than getting someone new”. Which has merit too, since our own people would already have a feel of our products and how they function. Supposedly, it’s easy to fill in the shoes of the designers, but harder to fill in the shoes of a conceptualiser.

Here comes the clincher – I have been “arrowed” to fill in the shoes of the would-be new conceptualiser / proposer. That’s some big shoes for me to fill, with me already small feet.

It’s a real dilemma for me too. On one hand, going for this opportunity, (which doesn’t come often) would allow me to learn new stuff, get more exposure. It supposedly allows for more upward growth too, which is of course beneficial in the long run. However, I’m not too sure of the workload and the stress levels, which may be higher than what I’m having right now, and as it is, it’s quite a comfortable level, and I’m not too sure I’ll want to let go of it soon.

On the other hand, staying where I am right now won’t mess with MY Grand Scheme of Things. Everything would (hopefully) go as planned and I can look forward to a new and refreshing change.

That’s not to say that if I embrace the opportunity that I’ll totally destroy My Grand Scheme of Things. The way I look at it, it’ll probably only delay the inevitable. One thing’s for sure, is that this will be quite a change from what I’m used to. The job is still quite similar, using the same tools. Only difference would be the scope and how engaging it would be comparatively.

This will be a small departure from my comfort zone, which is good in a way, since it will keep me on my toes and aware of my surroundings. Like any other fellow human, we tend to settle once we have found a comfortable spot, and I seem to be doing that.

If only it’s as simple as a toss of a coin. Unfortunately, it’s not. I’m still undecided.

What do you do when you get a feeling of disparity between yourself and the environment? What do you do when you don’t have a sense of connection at all? A feeling of disconnectness.

What do you do if adaptation is not one of the choices available?

Do you live with it?

Do you move on, in search for something which fits more ideally, even if it’s at present, only an impression in the mind?

Didn’t have anything in mind to blog about, initially. Then a friend of mine messaged me thru IM all of a sudden. We haven’t been chatting with each other for a rather long time.

It started off on a sombre note initially, since she was out of a job. I didn’t even get a chance to ask how long she was out when she decided to let it all out. Apparently she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. Not only that, but she also lost her job, probably at the same time (but whether it was partly due to the diagnosis or not, I’m not exactly sure) and her b/f had left her too. Talk about a triple whammy. Things couldn’t really come together at a far worse time. It turned out that she was suffering from Lupus. From what I got, she’s taking medication and appears to be leading as normal a life as possible.

It’s kind of depressing when you read / hear about the people around you having these sort of health problems. It’s like one of those occasions where the so called chance of ever contracting such an aliment is low, and it turned out that you suddenly became part of the statistic. The next thought would be one of “of all people, why me?” It only serves to reinforce the fact that life is fragile. A fact that most people realise but take for granted. Something which is known, but somehow lost in the clutter of day-to-day happenings. We all too easily pre-occupy ourselves with everything happening around us, work especially. We get so caught up with all the attention grabbing antics of everyone and everything that we all too easily forget to appreciate the little things.

When was the last time when we took it easy? Do you still remember the last time when you weren’t rushing off from one location just to reach the next? Have you been trying to squeeze more than 24 hours into a single day, just to be able to do more for less? I have to admit, that I’m guilty of that very same crime too. Squeezing as much of my personal time as possible, only to have to rush to out in order to make it in time to meet up with friends. In the process of rushing, tension builds up, patience starts to wear thin. Even more so when the other party turns up slightly late. Do you then think to yourself that maybe, just maybe, you could have gotten that extra 10 minutes of surfing time had you left that little bit later if you had known that the other party would be late? That’s trying to do more for less.

When I think back, there was a point in time when I quite like that. Always wanting more gaming time, and later rushing in order to meet appointments. That was the past.

I’m now slowly trying to change my outlook on life. Take things easy. Worry less, enjoy more, live life better. Take the time to appreciate the little things. I do remember that there were occasions in the past, when I was with my ex, where I didn’t do exactly that. Thinking back, I could really kick myself in the butt for that, but like I mentioned, I was too caught up in the haste in the world to be able to sit back and savour the moments. It was a regret, but you gotta learn from your mistakes and move on. It’s no use just mulling over the past, for it’ll only make things worse.

It’s good to know that my friend is starting to bounce back from this little set back. She has made some plans for herself, which is good. There is no use in feeling sorry for yourself. You have to pick yourself up again, and move on.

Have you appreciated the little things? If not, what are you waiting for?

“Everything you see or hear or experience in any way at all is specific to you. You create a universe by perceiving it, so everything in the universe you perceive is specific to you.” – Douglas Adams

This quite confirms what I’ve been believing all along, that it’s all a matter of perception. Or rather, my beliefs has shifted to be inline with that. That’s what I tell myself, whenever I happen to find myself in some form of self doubt. Interestingly, that doesn’t happen very often nowadays compared to … say a year or two ago?

I guess I really owe most of it to the book I got while in Nepal “The Art of Happiness”. The one simple rule I learnt is about expectations, perceptions and the level of happiness. The one main reason why you can’t really be happy is that you always want something better. Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting something better, but to what extent? Where does it end? If you think about it, there’s always something newer, better, faster, cooler, nicer, (insert descriptive adjective here) just beyond the horizon. The endless pursuit of perfection. There’s no end to it.

However, it does end when you put a stop to it.

Actually, it all boils down to what the word really means. How you view things from your perspective; the way you interpret the surroundings defines your behaviour. Different people react differently to varied situations. Which is good, really. It literally takes into account past experiences, thoughts and actions; all that has transpired from the beginning, rammed into the grey matter processor, churned with the present surrounding and out comes the reaction. More often than not, perception is not only formed from within, but from the outside too – external factors. It’s actually happening all the time. It’s normal to want better things in life. It’s also being generous to want better things for other too. However, herein lies the difference – the want of something which is better. What actually constitutes to being better? Better than what? What’s your definition, your basis for comparison?

It’s a very open ended proposition, one that is definitely subject to changes along the way. My story was initially written as a standard default answer to a very standard default question. However, somehow, somewhere along the way, the remaining parts of it got trashed. I’ve got a good idea of how I want it to be shaped. The only thing is for me to act on it.

Inspired by the post “Your Perception IS Your Reality” on lifehack.org

It’s been almost a week since I return from my the trip of the year. One thing I’m sure of, and that is that I’m glad that I’ve got it over and done with. It’s now time for me to move on and plan for other trips. There’s a whole wide world out there to be discovered, and only one lifetime to do it.

Most of the unpacking has already been done. There’s still a small bit of clutter left on the floor, but that’s not at all unexpected. All of my photos are already in my computer. The ones which have to be rotated have already been done, and the panoramics have already been stitched up. Most of the nice ones anyway. What’s left would be to do some touching up on the dark shots. Apart from that, all should be ok. What’s finally left would be to upload them to my photo gallery.

My very first time planning a trip and thankfully, there hasn’t been any major hiccups to hinder the success and smoothness of it. Sure, there have been some minor bumps along the way, but I choose to look at it in a positive light – incidents which make the trip memorable. Incidents which could have been avoided, had I had the foresight to realise, and make necessary correction. Then again, that’s all part of the learning process, isn’t it?

Thus far, this trip has managed to answer some questions which have plagued my mind for several weeks already. Some have yet to be answered. Several new ones have poped up and inadvertently taken centrestage. Problem is, right now, a good half of my inner self is glad that my Trip to Tibet is over and done with. Not that I didn’t like it, of course. I loved the trip to bits. Ever since I first saw the movie “7 years in Tibet” while in Nepal, I decided that I wanted to make a trip there, and a trip I did. I wanted to see for myself the beauty of such a barren landscape at such a high altitude. I wanted to have a first hand experience at the Tibetans and their culture. I wanted to gaze up at the peak of Mount Everst with my very own naked eyes. I did all that, and more.

The other half of me feel that perhaps I shouldn’t have gone for the trip. Or rather, that I have done some things a little differently. As it is, things have changed comparatively, between pre-trip and post-trip. Things were looking great pre-trip wise. Still, only time will ultimately reveal to me what fate has in store. No point in rushing things, although it is wrecking my head to bits, just mulling over it all, which obviously isn’t doing any good apart from giving me a headache.

Still, the only consolation I have so far would be a snippet of one of the Tibetan songs which got us so mesmerised during our land cruiser ride to Everest Base Camp. Now, all I need are the remaining songs.

[http://blog.endlesstrail.net/content/P5123135.mp3]

Priorities, that’s what it always boils down to; it always does, without fail. The one thing which varies from person, from personality to personality, from character to character. Priorities are what dictates the actions of a person at any particular instance and differs with each passing time frame.

Just as a person enters different phases of life as time passes, the priorities change as well. What is of significance, are the priorities themselves. Sometimes, they get dropped. Sometimes, they get promoted. Sometimes, new ones come into the picture.

Just like opportunities, which many have likened to a door. Some are open, some are closed. What matters is the act of walking through it. Not all doors stay open all the time. When one door closes, another one opens. What’s difficult would be to recognise the open ones and their inherent benefits.

Put two and two together and things start to get a wee bit more complicated. On the one hand, there’s the window of opportunity. On the other hand, there’s the need to uphold the priorities. What happens then, when the opportunity and the priority disagree with each other?

What would you choose? Priority? Opportunity?

The opportunity being an almost once-in-a-lifetime chance for achieveing something great, something utterly worth the effort put in. One that is most certain to never come again, should it pass. The door may open again, but it’s something which you don’t normally bet on. For me, it’s an opportunity to make a change in the path I take. A possible side effect being a “wider” trail to walk on.

The priority is one which I have had in mind for years already. Something which I’ve been working towards all this while, and one which seems to close that it’ll be a total waste to simply let it go just like that. There was the thought of the priority and the opportunity being able to co-exist at the same time, but the way it looks to me, it’s chances are as remote as us being able to live on Mars in this lifetime.

As it turns out, the window of opportunity may have closed sooner than I have predicted. It may open again, but I highly doubt it. Naturally, the voice of reasoning will make an effort to make the decision seem as though it was the most logical and sensible one, as if all that happened were due to acts of fate. As always, it almost always seem the more logical and sensible one, considering the present situation and circumstances. It’s a sure-fire thing too, that whatever that appears to be logical now, would turn out to be an illogical one in the near future after events have unfolded.

Then again, I think it’s just a case of bad timing, plain and simple. I’m not totally 100% ready for the opportunity right now. Or rather, I’d much prefer to complete my goal first, before opening any doors.

I’d better not regret on this …